Re-imagining Marriage
Casting vision for a generation that can’t imagine marriage is desirable.
When some of us over-40 folks talk about “defending marriage” with statements like “kids need a mom and a dad” or “traditional marriages are healthier,” we are essentially using an ineffective message.
For the generation of under-30-year-olds, we have to go back further than that; we have to help the re-imagine marriage.
Carl Nelson, GMAE President, and his wife Kari
When we use statements like “kids need a mom and a dad” they reject that as untrue because their experience tells them otherwise. They might have wanted a mom and dad that stayed married, or wanted a mom and dad who didn’t fight with each other, but when they take stock of their life so far — if they have any degree of success and normalcy — they deduce that you really don’t need a mom and a dad to succeed in life. (Sure, it might be desirable, but its not an absolute.)
Even if millennials did grow up in a stable two-parent family they most certainly had extended family members and close friends who did not, and as they assess life through their friends’ experience they reach the same conclusion – kids don’t really need a mom and a dad.
So we have to help the next generation – mellennials particularly but also many gen-xers – to re-imagine marriage. The vision of a conflict-free family with both biological parents married to each other has to be re-introduced to most Americans, along with a compelling vision of its benefits, peace and pleasures.
So how do we do that? I’m open for suggestions.
Carl. Good point you raise in regard to this issue. As followers of Christ and believers of absolute truth, like Scripture, we must have an absolute foundation which our ideals must rest upon. Without any absolute foundation, everything would be relative including one’s concept of marriage and the family. Marriage as prscribed by Scripture is a covenant. And a covenant requires commitment, grace, and acceptance. Without these and other important principles as expounded by Scripture, we can be sure that the marriage institution will not withstand the post-modern relativism.
I disagree with your statement…”When we use statements like “kids need a mom and a dad” they reject that as untrue because their experience tells them otherwise.”
Experience can’t explain away what is the TRUTH. It is true that all kids need a mom and a dad.
Experience may deceive children today and may try to sway them into thinking that they’re o.k. with out a mom and a dad…but it doesn’t make it true. As evidence…just look at how messed up our society is right now. Nothing is sacred…truth is watered down…kids don’t know who their family is…everyone is a cousin! Why do you think today so many people are on mood altering drugs or in therapy or both? My husband grew up without a father. He survived and would even say his childhood was good. But…it would have been better with a father in the picture. There are some things he lost out on. There were things he had to learn the hard way on his own. If death takes a parent…it’s one thing and even though it’s not an ideal situation, God is faithful to carry the family through. But…the IDEAL for all of us is to be raised in a family with a father and a mother. Kids do need a mom and dad!!! I will preach that to my children, grandchildren and and anyone else I meet. Don’t sell these kids short! Teach them the TRUTH. Speak it loudly and boldly. We CAN humble ourselves…cry out to God and once again become a moral country!!!
Linda, what I was trying to say is that many people judge what’s true or not based on their own experience – not on the absolute Truth spoken by God. So when we try to use logic like “Kids need a mom and a dad” in order to have the best chance to turn out as “ok” adults, so many of them have experienced growing up without a mom or a dad – and while they wished for better – they’ve come to the conclusion that this is not really a true statement. (I still think it is, based on both evidence and upon God’s spoken word.)
Excellent point Carl. Divorce, continuous conflict, absent fathers, and the like are much considered the norm now. Indeed, here at the Univ. of Wisconsin campus, I quickly found that the simple argument that “kids need a mom and dad to succeed”, or “are better off with a mom and dad” will not work. In a debate with an advocate for same-sex marriage, they simply said there is no evidence to support the claim that both a mom and dad are needed. I adamantly disagree, just look at the percentage of male inmates (~90%) that grew up without a father, or essentially absent father. God’s Word lays the foundation for marriage and this needs to be clearly taught in the Church. It also needs to be demonstrated in order for the next generation to accept it as truth and to see it as desirable. Too often kids taught the Truth do not see a difference between their family life and the lives of kids that have experienced divorce, and the like, because their parents are too focused on careers, entertainment, success by the worlds standards. Fathers in particular need to become more active in the training and instruction of their kids. We also need solid evidence to support claims for traditional marriage because so many do not accept the Scriptures as Truth. We need to know the facts about poverty rates, imprisonment, real success in life (not defined as wealth). Continued research is needed for this evidence, we cannot just rely on anecdotal evidence. I am certain many secular sociologists with an opposing world view are working hard to come up with evidence to refute traditional marriage; hypocrisy in the Church will provide the evidence they seek.
I agree with you. I teach and minister marriage in the way Jesus tells us to in His Word. The marriages I am working with are experiencing transformation like never before. Great Godly couples whose marriages are in great distress.
I take the Bible at its Word and apply Scriptural principles as the core of our work together, and they have Biblical resources to work with at home.
I would love to share it with you if you desire.